Life is good!

Sorry I did not blog yesterday -- I was emotionally exhausted after my biopsy and took the evening off. I got the news this morning that the biopsy was completely benign! I am so glad -- it is such a huge weight off my shoulders. The whole experience has been quite draining and I have so much respect for the women (and men) who have been and continue to go through the angst of not knowing what is going on with their bodies.

I am a little more sore and tired than I thought I would be, but that kinda goes along with my personality. I would like to be able to "take a licking and keep on ticking," but I am just not made that way. I am learning to be patient with myself and with the healing process. Going through this brought back so many memories of not so good news after my thyroid biopsy 2 and half years ago. The doctors had told me they fully expected my biopsy to be benign, but it came back probable cancer instead. That whole scenario was playing in the back of my head while I was waiting for the doctor to call.

I know it sounds weird, but in some ways, getting the good news this morning liberated me from that nebulous cloud that has been following me around since the whole thyroid thing. It has been like the bubble that hangs over a cartoon character's head expressing their feelings even when they are not talking. I have had that faint bubble of doubt hanging over my head asking, "Am I really okay?" Today, that bubble was burst! I can look at myself and say, "Yes, I really am okay!"

I have learned so much about myself over the past 2 and half years. Part of me would like to say that I would have been okay no matter the news, but I cannot say that for sure. I don't think you know what you are going to do or feel until you are there. But, what I do know for sure is that I am taking good care of myself. More than ever before I am being kinder and more patient with myself, and honoring my feelings. I am filling my body with good stuff -- good nutrients, lots of love, good thoughts, good words, people who care for me and about me, and good intentions. It is paying off, and life is good!

Wild Rumpus

Tomorrow is the big biopsy day. I have to say that although I really do think everything is going to be okay, I have been a lot more nervous than I thought I would be. I get moody and aggravated easily when I am nervous so today has been a little difficult; every little thing has been getting on my nerves or upsetting me. I think that it is a little more scary since the last biopsy I had they thought I had cancer. That was in my thyroid, and it turned out it wasn't even cancer, but it still was a long and complicated journey.

We went to the movies today thinking it would help me get my mind off of things a little bit. We saw Where the Wild Things Are. I was a little wary because I am typically not a fan of any book that is made into a movie, particularly childhood classics, but it was very well done. I cried through a good bit of the movie. It was probably good to get the tears out, but it left me feeling heavy-hearted. The movie was slow in some places and gave an almost uncomfortable amount of time to process the difficult feelings that reside in all of us. Not good for someone who was trying to avoid difficult feelings at this particular junction. Let the wild rumpus start! Since I had a little wild in me today it was appropriate and it did make me "deal." In the end a good howl made me feel better.